Do you think every president goes through a awkward first few weeks in office when they’re not sure when’s the right time to ask if aliens are real or not?
- Employer: So how qualified do you think you are for the job, sir?
- Me: Hella
- Employer: Welcome aboard
"I wanna define my life on my own terms."
I really worry about which selfie my family would put on the news if I ever went missing.
there’s always gonna be that one person that you can’t get out of your mind no matter how hard you try.
"I like my hair messy. My love wild. And my sex aggressive. But I’m still a sensitive woman, just with passion."
- Me during the entire months of summer: sleep, eat, television, video games, don't see sunlight for 3 days
- Everyone else in one day of summer: went to the moon, fell in love, traveled to france, met obama, kissed lance bass, starred in a porn, got a tattoo, rode a giraffe